Night Tune

Looking at my abilities tonight.

Listened to my performances over and over again. Flat notes are one of my weaknesses, so are the end notes. Diaphragm, Bekah, diaphragm!

I'm not perfect. I'm not the best of the lot. In fact, I have much to catch up. But I have had good encouragement along the way.

No matter how much I gripe over my weakness in my skills, it's just a matter of practice and training which will boost 'em up. I believe so. I convince myself so.

Sometimes I do feel a little aimless, but me, believing in the God who holds my future, can believe that He is bigger than this. I need to learn to let go and give it back to Him - my talents and my gifts.

And perhaps, have a little more joy in my life. Ironically, I cannot remember my pain.

Then again, any road that is too easy will seem more wrong than the ones you find difficulty in believing that it's the right road. Or do we deceive ourselves? Is it wrong to pursue a dream like this? I don't remember when exactly did my dream to sing has become so strong. I never really had a dream to sing. At least not like this.

The best answer, and one that I know, but difficult to apply is this: Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these will be added unto you. Less of me and more of Him and others. Trying my best to not focus on me alone. It's not about me. It's about Him. When I look back at my performances, honestly, I can pin-point almost every single flat note (goes to show my hearing needs more practicin') but people around me would praise and encourage. I am truly blessed by dear friends who are encouraging. I am also reminded that God is the One who deserves the glory, that in my weakness, He is my strength.

We are slaves to these age-old afflictions
Fighting for control 'till we fell too far
Pursue desire, ignore our convictions
Only wretched souls beneath the weeping stars
- Humanity, Tim Be Told