Last weekend was one of the most celebrated events of the Christian tradition. After 40 days of Lent, starting from Ash Wednesday, we had Palm Sunday just the weekend before and then came the most important event: Good Friday and Easter Sunday or Resurrection Sunday.
Every year Christians would celebrate this day as it is the very event that laid the foundations of Christianity - the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, defeating sin and death through the cross and through His resurrection.
This year I was slated to perform for the Easter skit.
I can honestly say I wasn't thrilled about it at first. Not because of the weight of Easter, but because I just didn't want to get myself involved in another production so soon after Christmas. Maybe because I didn't want to be tied down to just performing in church alone.
But over the course of a month that we took to prepare for this, I am moved from a reluctant participant to one who could rejoice in my participation.
God has His mysterious ways.
When I first got the part, I was really feeling a little depressed about missed opportunities. I had just auditioned for a few companies by sending my demo in, but when I sent out the emails, I knew I wasn't going to get it. And I was right. But it left me feeling dejected nonetheless, hence when I was called to sing for Easter, I wasn't feeling enthusiastic at all. I was, in other words, drained and tired.
Then I went for the first rehearsals, still dragging my virtual feet, when I first tasted the grace of God. I started to see a sparkle of passion and enthusiasm the cast had and being in love with the theatre, it was a small delight to see the planning. But I was still largely disinterested.
Then I flew off to Korea for a trip. There, my mom made a remark about thanking God for opportunities and even when you don't feel like serving, you go in with a willing heart nonetheless. Those words pricked me as I reflected on her words. It was true. This is an opportunity to sing and this is for God. People in church are giving me the opportunity and I shouldn't waste it. I didn't ask for this, it was given. So I must serve. Willingly.
When I came back to another bout of rehearsals, I still haven't found my guitarist, so I remembered my new found friend who played for us during Christmas and he immediately said yes. Honestly I was unsure about his acoustic guitar skills since he plays electric guitar most of the time for worship service. But there was that faith in me that knew he could do the job. I remembered his passion and willingness to serve and that inspired me more, especially after we locked down the songs and started practicing.
As I see the production and the story just taking its shape, I was no longer disinterested. Somehow my passion came back and I was determined to make the most out of this God-given opportunity. Then a challenge came. I had to act while I sing. Theatrical singing is never just singing. It requires much more, it requires a certain amount of acting. To me, the first song I had to sing, which was a hymn, was by far one of the most difficult songs I've had to convey. How do you sing "Were You There" in 4 stanzas and coloring it differently for each? I voiced my concern to my director who thought it's not something that I can't do.
Remembering Christmas' production last year, he had faith that I could pull off the acting. I knew I could but it was difficult nonetheless. Last year I had a duet partner. This year I was completely alone. With only a guitar. Last year I at least had a pianist, a violinist and a bassist as well. So I was greatly distressed. And so I knew I had to practice harder. Not only so, since this was an Easter skit, it is bigger! It is about Christ dying and resurrecting again! This is the foundations of our faith and the best time to convey that to non-believers. My concern was that how do I deliver a song that would draw people to Him?
After the first full dress rehearsal, the director really liked my performance, but my weakness is that my performance may be alright now, but during the real day, I would be all nerves and that would be not cool at all.
But my director said something prior to the rehearsals. He said that we are all cracked vessels. None of us are perfect and so we need to let the Holy Spirit fill in the cracks and the gaps.
He was right. It's not my show. It's not about how well I can cry and stifle my voice to imitate a crying voice. It's about serving God and just giving our best to Him. We are not perfect, but God can use the imperfections and make it something totally out of the ordinary.
And I had to sing my lines in phrases so I couldn't take breaths in between words that aren't a phrase. And that was difficult. I had to challenge myself further technically. How do I balance between technical and emotions?
I couldn't do it for the next few final rehearsals so I had to switch the key of the songs, probably exasperating my poor guitarist friend. I still couldn't do it. This was when God provided me with help, in the form of my cell member, who is a professional singer. I have never really talked to her about singing because either my pride was in the way, or what I don't know, but I thought it was awkward to ask about singing techniques and stuff. I didn't think many would be so willing to help. But she did, bless her heart. She gave me some tips, rather, reminded me of the basics which I had already known but have forgotten.
Armed with tips and new strength from God, I could finally do it. Then comes the emotions part again. Finally I surrendered everything to Christ telling Him that He would have to help me on that. Because I know I can't do it on my own.
Again, God works in mysterious ways.
Before the shows on the real day, I prayed that God will use us mightily as vessels for His glory. We've had two performances. One on Saturday and one on Easter Sunday itself.
I didn't do technically well on both days. Sunday was the worst.
Funny when sometimes you pray for God to help to hit the pitch correctly, you'd miss them? Yeah, it was like that. Saturday I was almost outdone by my nerves though it got better. And I knew the emotions were there as well.
But Sunday.
Sunday was a different story. Somehow maybe the day of resurrection itself struck a chord within me, but I was suddenly in a frenzy of emotions. I was feeling teary even before I stepped onto the stage. And so I struggled to control the emotions. But the emotions came flooding out bit by bit, through the unstability of my pitch and then ended off with a total grief. I did not cry nor did tears flow, but my heart was really a mess.
Looking back, I really didn't know what happened except I was reminding myself that I need to color my stanzas. I need to hit the pitch. But the emotions part, really how it came to be, still boggles me. I can only explain that God was working in me as He is working in the hearts of those who listened.
I thought back to the cross when Jesus died, how He died a painful death, for our sins. On Good Friday, He died for our pride, our sins and our selfishness. Then when He was laid in the tomb, it was the finality. Someone who loved us so much, died for us.
When it was time to sing the second song which was about Christ, a risen Savior, I was still reeling from the emotions of the first song. But I had to remind myself that Christ has risen and Christ has overcome. That day I could sing those lyrics true to my heart. Though my pitch failed, though I was technically weaker than Saturday, I could testify that God is truly stronger and that Christ has really overcome.
After the service, many people came up to me and was commenting on how powerful the first song was. I could only credit it back to God. I remember after singing the first round, I murmured a quick confession to God that I wasn't focused on Him but was thinking about my techniques and the coloring of the stanzas. On Saturday I had relied on Him but Sunday it seemed as if I forgot.
And God works in mysterious ways.
I could only say that this experience caused me to acknowledge that He alone deserves the glory. I always believed that with my weakness in my technicalities, God will somehow use me anyway. This gift and these opportunities to sing will always be credited back to God only because without Him, I wouldn't have done it.
So all in all, it's Christ alone. The One who deserves all the glory.
April 09, 2012
April 03, 2012
Free-falling
Though I would NEVER attempt skydiving due to my fear of heights (the experience would be wasted on me anyway), I do wonder how is it like to free fall. I wonder how does it feel to be totally weightless, yet diving down in high speed with all the preparation in the world, and then none.
Life works that way too sometimes. Sometimes it does feel like I'm free-falling through life without knowing what is ahead. I'm prepared, and I'm totally unprepared.
In skydiving you need to know how and when to pull your chutes. In life, it's the same I suppose. Or do I keep free-falling and wait for His arms to catch me? Will it be too late? Or did He give me two chutes to pull with instructions of how and when to pull?
March 29, 2012
Sara Bareilles
Due to my MadWorld auditions, I was introduced to Sara Bareilles. I've heard her song 'Love Song' on airplay and then I heard 'Gravity' played once on the "older folks" radio channel, but never really got into her. I thought she was another regular pop act.
Then, when I had to sing 'Gravity' for my callbacks, I was hooked, line and sinker into Sara Bareilles.
Got my hand on the 2nd album 'Kaleidoscope Heart' and never looked back.
With my slanted interest towards the lesser known acts, I really like Bareilles' way of writing and composing. She writes with such wit, such eloquence and her melodies are definitely memorable. Her lyrics are vulnerable, raw, yet polished with her melody. There's often that raw honesty to her songs and the way she expresses them that makes her songs resonates deep, even without having going through the same heartache or excitement that she has gone through. Somehow you can identify with her almost completely.
She isn't the most compelling singer (I mean, no one beats Whitney Houston and those legendary divas), but she knows how to hone it to her advantage, hence, she has one of the really beautiful vocals of her genre. I still can't sing her songs without either running out of breath or having choppy timing. Well, they are all techniques, and Bareilles is one that got hers down pat with her self-written songs fitting to a tee, hence her voice fits her songs perfectly and vice versa.
My dream is to be able to sing-songwrite like her. *looks at the piano and sighs
P/S: I really do love her gutsy-ness.
Music video for 'Gonna Get Over You' from her sophomore album 'Kaleidoscope Heart'
One of the best live singers:
AND The song that started it all (from her major-label debut album, 'Little Voice')
Live:
Music video:
SaraB, I love you.
Then, when I had to sing 'Gravity' for my callbacks, I was hooked, line and sinker into Sara Bareilles.
Got my hand on the 2nd album 'Kaleidoscope Heart' and never looked back.
With my slanted interest towards the lesser known acts, I really like Bareilles' way of writing and composing. She writes with such wit, such eloquence and her melodies are definitely memorable. Her lyrics are vulnerable, raw, yet polished with her melody. There's often that raw honesty to her songs and the way she expresses them that makes her songs resonates deep, even without having going through the same heartache or excitement that she has gone through. Somehow you can identify with her almost completely.
She isn't the most compelling singer (I mean, no one beats Whitney Houston and those legendary divas), but she knows how to hone it to her advantage, hence, she has one of the really beautiful vocals of her genre. I still can't sing her songs without either running out of breath or having choppy timing. Well, they are all techniques, and Bareilles is one that got hers down pat with her self-written songs fitting to a tee, hence her voice fits her songs perfectly and vice versa.
My dream is to be able to sing-songwrite like her. *looks at the piano and sighs
P/S: I really do love her gutsy-ness.
Music video for 'Gonna Get Over You' from her sophomore album 'Kaleidoscope Heart'
One of the best live singers:
AND The song that started it all (from her major-label debut album, 'Little Voice')
Live:
Music video:
SaraB, I love you.
March 26, 2012
The Lessons of Mercy and Grace
What is mercy?
When somebody bestows compassion upon you.
What is grace?
When somebody bestows mercy upon you even when you don't deserve it.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness."
How am I going to repay that kindness and mercy and grace?
Oh Lord,
purify my heart,
restore to me the joy of my salvation and
that I will never stir away.
Anchor my soul and
refine me to be like pure gold.
Amen.
When somebody bestows compassion upon you.
What is grace?
When somebody bestows mercy upon you even when you don't deserve it.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness."
How am I going to repay that kindness and mercy and grace?
Oh Lord,
purify my heart,
restore to me the joy of my salvation and
that I will never stir away.
Anchor my soul and
refine me to be like pure gold.
Amen.
March 25, 2012
Travel
It's been a while since I flew out of my country to another.
This time is to a country I longed to go for a long time. This time, I could.
Korea.
What a trip. We walked. Got lost. Found our way back. Walked some more. Ate. Drank. Shopped. Met friends. Opened hearts. Spoke the local language. Spoke English.
Time is so short. I wished I can be there for longer. I wished I can see more, experience more.
This trip only makes me want to go back for more.
Korea is a great place for the creative mind to flourish and find inspiration. It has its crazy moments; People can be curt, people can be in a rush and the language barrier is real. It could do with more public rubbish bins and less public spitting, but it's a country with its own charms. Quaint restaurants, even quainter cafes, but with big ambitions. It's a mix of tradition and increasing metropolitan tastes. On one street you can see youths in their school uniform just fresh off school, hanging out and laughing over nothings; then on the other, you can see a few older men smoking cigarettes and sharing a few bottles of soju, discussing about their dreams.
On one street, history and modernity co-exists together. In an old house, you see a modern cafe. In a modern restaurant, you taste traditional Korean food with a good makgeolli (rice wine) to boost.
Roads turn from busy to quiet, and even though every door looks the same, they boast a different air, a different kind of pride. The persistent ahjummas (aunts) who keep inviting you into their shop for some fried fish, the trendy young girls who brave the cold all day inviting you into their shops to buy their snail creams, all these looks the same and feels similar, but a different charm to them still.
Every night back at the hotel, I would reflect on the day and wondered if this is a place I would want to come back. Even if the day may turned out less than expected, and people's response may turned out to be less than friendly, I'd still want to come back.
I can't pinpoint what exactly is the reason why I want to come back. Maybe I'm just short of time and there are just too many things to explore. Locals often told me that it is a small country, but I beg to differ. Korea may be small geographically, but it's big at the heart of it.
It's not a perfect country, but Korea leaves much to be explored again.
Or maybe I'm just happy I got my Tablo album after so long.
March 03, 2012
Discipline
I don't remember when was the last time I blogged so fervently. I guess it's good to be writing my thoughts down?
Yesterday my colleague introduced me to this fitness blog. Honestly, while I don't mind reading them, the level of commitment they have towards fitness can be a little too obsessive to me. But I was intirgued and while I don't agree with everything the blogger writes in there, perhaps they are more doubts than outright disagreement, the author does have a point in keeping fit.
This reminds me of what a popular singer in Korea said when she was interviewed about her exercise regime. She works out everyday at the gym for about 2 hours. She said she loves singing so much so she is sure to keep her body physically fit to fuel her passion. Because honestly, being physically well and fit really does help one's singing. Our vocal cord is so dependent on the body's condition. If we are tired, people can hear the fatigue in the voice without even looking at us.
While I don't think it necessary to be overly buff and rippling, as some people do go to lengths of making sure that happens, I do think it's really good to be working out. You feel fresher, you feel like you can do a lot more things than being sedentary and you do see the benefits in the long run. I actually feel more confident after working out especially when I can see results.
That being said, I am still a far long way off from getting a fit body. But I hope to continue. I may not end up buff but at least I'll be fit. I can have a longer lasting stamina, as it is becoming evident in my singing. I'm glad I took swimming classes and now I can at least swim, even if it's just breaststroke and freestyle (which I still struggle).
But this is the caveat: exercising requires discipline. Keeping fit requires discipline. It's like taking care of your face. Cleanse, tone, moisturize. But you have to do this everyday (and more) so that your skin will display the result. Same goes for exercising...well, same goes for anything, really. Discipline is a practice I long struggle with. I still fail from time to time. I think maybe virtually from hour to hour! Procrastination is still a very big part of me. But I am going to overcome this! By God's help, I will overcome this sin that has entangled with me too long. Procrastination leads to complacency and that leads to mediocrity. God did not create us to be half of us. We have unique places within the body of Christ, each with its own purpose.
So, accept no mediocrity. Start with discipline. You reap what you sow. And with discipline, all of us will definitely feel better once the fruit is tasted. It may take a long time to fulfill, and that gets to us, because everything is instant nowadays. But work on it day by day and it will come.
Talking about discipline, I should be disciplined about my sleeping time. Hee.
Yesterday my colleague introduced me to this fitness blog. Honestly, while I don't mind reading them, the level of commitment they have towards fitness can be a little too obsessive to me. But I was intirgued and while I don't agree with everything the blogger writes in there, perhaps they are more doubts than outright disagreement, the author does have a point in keeping fit.
This reminds me of what a popular singer in Korea said when she was interviewed about her exercise regime. She works out everyday at the gym for about 2 hours. She said she loves singing so much so she is sure to keep her body physically fit to fuel her passion. Because honestly, being physically well and fit really does help one's singing. Our vocal cord is so dependent on the body's condition. If we are tired, people can hear the fatigue in the voice without even looking at us.
While I don't think it necessary to be overly buff and rippling, as some people do go to lengths of making sure that happens, I do think it's really good to be working out. You feel fresher, you feel like you can do a lot more things than being sedentary and you do see the benefits in the long run. I actually feel more confident after working out especially when I can see results.
That being said, I am still a far long way off from getting a fit body. But I hope to continue. I may not end up buff but at least I'll be fit. I can have a longer lasting stamina, as it is becoming evident in my singing. I'm glad I took swimming classes and now I can at least swim, even if it's just breaststroke and freestyle (which I still struggle).
But this is the caveat: exercising requires discipline. Keeping fit requires discipline. It's like taking care of your face. Cleanse, tone, moisturize. But you have to do this everyday (and more) so that your skin will display the result. Same goes for exercising...well, same goes for anything, really. Discipline is a practice I long struggle with. I still fail from time to time. I think maybe virtually from hour to hour! Procrastination is still a very big part of me. But I am going to overcome this! By God's help, I will overcome this sin that has entangled with me too long. Procrastination leads to complacency and that leads to mediocrity. God did not create us to be half of us. We have unique places within the body of Christ, each with its own purpose.
So, accept no mediocrity. Start with discipline. You reap what you sow. And with discipline, all of us will definitely feel better once the fruit is tasted. It may take a long time to fulfill, and that gets to us, because everything is instant nowadays. But work on it day by day and it will come.
Talking about discipline, I should be disciplined about my sleeping time. Hee.
March 01, 2012
Jonathan: Humility And Friendship
In 1 Samuel 23, we see David fleeing from Saul, who was bent on killing David as the presence of David threatens Saul's throne and his lineage.
Instead of Saul finding David, his son, Jonathan, finds David instead.
The Bible has mentioned about David and Jonathan's friendship more than once. This shows how close those two brothers are. "Ma brother from another mother, yo." that kinda thing. Their friendship started after David killed Goliath and was honored in Saul's courts and Jonathan honored him as well. You can read the rest of the story here: 1 Sam 18: 1-5 If you continued on, you'll find why Saul is seeking David's life in better details.
But back to the point.
What truly amazes me is Jonathan's character and attitude.
Jonathan is the son of the king. He is next in line to the throne. But he willingly gives it up for David and encourages him as well! I mean, this man really has solid character! It's not easy to give up something that you inherited or something that people and yourself are expecting to receive, what more for a non-family member, besties notwithstanding.
The funny thing about this conversation was that Saul knew about Jon's support to David and I do believe this riled Saul up further. "Son, you nuts?" is most likely the modern equivalent.
This shows that Jonathan knows that God chooses what He knows is right for the nation and so he SUBMITS to God's perfect plan. By submitting to God's plan wholly, Jonathan is free to love and support David, with confidence in God that God knows what He is doing. When we let go and let God, we are free to love and support even our "enemies". Or our real enemies. Of course it's not easy. Letting go of my pride is the hardest thing I have to do each and every day, but it does help because I can be genuine and authentic. I need not be afraid of my motives when I encourage people in their talents, etc and I can truly be happy for them. I can truly thank God that He has blessed them with talents and not wallow in self-pity or a perfectionism spiral downturn.
Jonathan, unfortunately, dies before he could see David crowned. So the promise of being next to David back at Horesh, he could not fulfill. But David did his part. When he found Jonathan's son Mephibosheth still alive, though crippled, David took him back into the palace and cared for the son and his servants. (You can read it in 2 Samuel 9)
I thank God for my friendships and that He taught me that I must learn to treasure my friendships and to work on them. Sometimes it is difficult because we live in a world that is constantly busy, we lose track of time and thus forget to work on things that actually matters the most.
--
Through Jonathan's character, of how he humbly, genuinely gives up his right to the throne for the love of God and friend, we can see the friendship of David and Jonathan worthy of several mentions in the Bible, which should inspire us further to be humble and to treasure our friendships.
Instead of Saul finding David, his son, Jonathan, finds David instead.
The Bible has mentioned about David and Jonathan's friendship more than once. This shows how close those two brothers are. "Ma brother from another mother, yo." that kinda thing. Their friendship started after David killed Goliath and was honored in Saul's courts and Jonathan honored him as well. You can read the rest of the story here: 1 Sam 18: 1-5 If you continued on, you'll find why Saul is seeking David's life in better details.
But back to the point.
What truly amazes me is Jonathan's character and attitude.
"And Jonathan, Saul's son, rose and went to David at Horesh, and strengthened his hand in God. And he said to him, “Do not fear, for the hand of Saul my father shall not find you. You shall be king over Israel, and I shall be next to you. Saul my father also knows this.” And the two of them made a covenant before the Lord. David remained at Horesh, and Jonathan went home." 1 Sam 23:16-18
Jonathan is the son of the king. He is next in line to the throne. But he willingly gives it up for David and encourages him as well! I mean, this man really has solid character! It's not easy to give up something that you inherited or something that people and yourself are expecting to receive, what more for a non-family member, besties notwithstanding.
The funny thing about this conversation was that Saul knew about Jon's support to David and I do believe this riled Saul up further. "Son, you nuts?" is most likely the modern equivalent.
This shows that Jonathan knows that God chooses what He knows is right for the nation and so he SUBMITS to God's perfect plan. By submitting to God's plan wholly, Jonathan is free to love and support David, with confidence in God that God knows what He is doing. When we let go and let God, we are free to love and support even our "enemies". Or our real enemies. Of course it's not easy. Letting go of my pride is the hardest thing I have to do each and every day, but it does help because I can be genuine and authentic. I need not be afraid of my motives when I encourage people in their talents, etc and I can truly be happy for them. I can truly thank God that He has blessed them with talents and not wallow in self-pity or a perfectionism spiral downturn.
Jonathan, unfortunately, dies before he could see David crowned. So the promise of being next to David back at Horesh, he could not fulfill. But David did his part. When he found Jonathan's son Mephibosheth still alive, though crippled, David took him back into the palace and cared for the son and his servants. (You can read it in 2 Samuel 9)
I thank God for my friendships and that He taught me that I must learn to treasure my friendships and to work on them. Sometimes it is difficult because we live in a world that is constantly busy, we lose track of time and thus forget to work on things that actually matters the most.
--
Through Jonathan's character, of how he humbly, genuinely gives up his right to the throne for the love of God and friend, we can see the friendship of David and Jonathan worthy of several mentions in the Bible, which should inspire us further to be humble and to treasure our friendships.
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